The John Deere Hunter
I recently ran into a fellow Christian who wanted to know if I was ever “good at anything.” Presumably this person wasn’t being sarcastic because they asked the question with a straight face…besides…[loud whisper]…sarcasm is a sin.¹
Beyond that, this question would present me with a good opportunity to stroke my ego…in theory. Beaming with pride, I began to go down the “list-of-things-I’m-good-at.”
Number one: I was good at my job.
After that, I was caught off guard by a somewhat disturbing amount of time before being able to rattle off a second item…but then it hit me!
Number two: I was good at mowing the lawn.
For a moment I was able to convince myself that I wasn’t grasping at straws by answering with THIS particular “second item.”
Then crickets.
My pride was in the process of taking a major hit.² This is when I realized there were only TWO items on the “list-of-things-I’m-good-at.” Furthermore, truth be told, I wasn’t even really “good” at either of those things. I was “serviceable” at best.
I must have had the notion that I was “good” at these two things for no other reason than I seemed to have an instilled ability to enjoy doing them.
My wounded pride notwithstanding, I WAS actually able to make some money doing one of those “things-that-I-was-good-at.” Sadly though…I did NOT earn my keep cutting grass with “Team USA” while competing as a professional synchronized mower.
(sigh)
Perhaps I could have been truly “good” at something if I had been paying more attention in school.
I recall an elementary school teacher that made me fill out one of those “career survey questionnaires.” It was rather ambitious for my third grade teacher to have me thinking about career paths…but, there I was. This “test” had, like, six billion seemingly innocuous questions concerning things like “talents possessed,” “activities favored” and “lifestyles preferred.”
“Lifestyles preferred?!?!”…I don’t know anything about this crap. I didn’t even want to take this stupid test! As far as “talents possessed” and “activities favored”…who cares?!?! All I knew was that I wanted to go outside so I could dig holes and feed squirrels!
I remember disregarding the “career survey questionnaire” when it spit out some stupid answer I didn’t understand. The “test” told me I would probably excel at being an agrarian cultivation specialist.
What in the hell is an “agrarian cultivation specialist”?
Hello? Is anybody home? I’m ten! Remember?
Of course, all of this nonsense with ambitious teachers and stupid tests trying to guide my career path didn’t stop me from daydreaming about what I really wanted to be when I grew up.
When I grew up…I wanted to be a farmer.
Other kids in my elementary school had standard-issue daydreams. They wanted to be police officers, firefighters or astronauts and such. There was always that one kid who sat in the corner and ate boogers. That was the one who was going to “grow up and become President.” [eye roll]
Evidently, my dream wasn’t quite as lofty. The other kids thought my dream was some sort of harebrained, cornball notion. Of course, they didn’t use the phrase “harebrained cornball notion”…they just described my dream as “goofy.” The kids who actually did their vocabulary homework described my dream using the word “pathetic.”
Whatever.
For some reason the other kids in my class didn’t think my “farmer dream” was very “cool.”
Those stupid kids didn’t know anything! I mean, seriously, what’s not cool about being a farmer? You get to grow corn and potatoes! You get to have one of those big red barns! You get to have one of those tall tube-like-sausage-lookin’ buildings. You get to have one of those windmill contraptions. I’m not even sure what the windmills are for… but they sure look cool!
I was going to have cows and pigs and lots of chickens, too. I wanted a bunch of chickens for no other reason than it’s fun to say the word “chickens.”
“Chickens, chickens, chickens!” See? I told you it was fun! I was planning on having goats for the same reason. [shoulder shrug] My farmwife was going to be named “Mindy.” I can only assume that part of the dream was an emanation created by the vestiges of Pam Dawber bubbling up from deep within my subconscious.
[contented sigh]
Pam, I mean, “MINDY” was probably going to want some horses. I would have been okay with that…just as long as none of them were named “Star.” [shudder]
Beyond that, the COOLEST part of farm life was going to be: THE TRACTOR. Being behind the wheel of that bad boy was going to be AWESOME! I was gonna go WHEREVER I wanted and I was going there WHENEVER I pleased! Granted, it may have been a bit slow…but that was no matter.
Everything had better watch the hell out. If that tractor was pointed at you…it was coming through!
In an effort to cement my tractor in the “Pantheon-of-Coolness,” I was going to add a rear mounted spoiler and have custom painted flames on the side, too.
Oh yeah baby!
For what it’s worth, my “farmer dream” never materialized. A whole bunch of other things got in the way. I can only assume that was for the best…childhood instincts probably shouldn’t be trusted anyway.
Case in point:
My childhood instincts caused me to commit a long list of childhood infractions. That list of infractions (which I’m not at liberty to discuss at this time) was matched with an equally long list of punitive responses (childhood punishments). The list of penalties included (but was not limited to) no friends coming over, no junk food, no TV, giong to bed early, going to my room and going to clean up messes, (both figuratively and literally).
The punitive responsive list (conveniently posted on the family refrigerator) continued with additional things like: doing more exercise, eating extra vegetables and slaving through extra chores. Extra chores included such things as: mowing the lawn, scraping bird poop off the windows and reorganizing the basement.
I can imagine those farm kids probably had much “cooler” chores to deal with like shearing the sheep, scraping chicken poop off the tractor and reorganizing the goats…but, I digress.
Oh well, that was then, this is now. With time, things eventually changed.
Having said that, it’s worth noting that things didn’t necessarily change for the better OR change for the worse…things changed for the opposite.
This unexpected “opposite phenomenon” reared its bizarre looking head when I grew up. This is when that list of “childhood punitive responses” became, instead, a list of adult personal goals. Nowadays I try to avoid junk food and TV (sort of). Today, I actually want to eat vegetables, exercise and go to bed early.
What happened?!?!
As an adult, “going-to-my-room” and “NOT having friends over” is the highlight of my week! “Reorganizing-the-basement” and “cleaning-bird-poop-off-the-windows” is something I now consider “a-Saturday-well-spent.”
Today, as an adult, if someone really wanted to punish me they’d say to me, “You CAN’T go out and mow the lawn!” [Aaaaaahhhhh!]
Seriously; that would be torture.
I suppose this “opposite-phenomenon” only serves to further illustrate that indeed, our childhood instincts probably shouldn’t be trusted.
Or should they?
A number of years ago I read an autobiography by tennis star André Agassi. While reading his book (entitled “Open”) I learned two surprising things about Agassi. The first nugget I learned was that André Agassi hates tennis. No…really…he hates tennis. He mentions this fact ad nauseam throughout his bio.
The second surprise was that Agassi’s life as a successful tennis professional was NOT the result of some harebrained notion or the consequence of a “career-survey-questionnaire.” His career was also DECIDEDLY NOT the result of childhood daydreams.
For better or worse, André Agassi’s life as a successful tennis professional was the result of what his dad wanted him to be…not who André Agassi wanted to be.
Like André Agassi, I also ended up with a relatively successful professional life…okay…I admit…it wasn’t EXACTLY the same kind of success as André Agassi’s…but…you know…close enough. [eye roll]
Also in similar fashion to Agassi, my success was largely a result of the parents God had blessed me with. However, UNLIKE Agassi, I actually liked the career path that I had seemingly been born into.
In time, I realized that I really liked my job because I was good at it…good enough to make that rather brief “list-of-things-I’m-good-at.”
I suppose that was a blessing then. However, ever since reading Agassi’s book I’ve been a bit rattled…I’m not so sure what to think now.
It wasn’t until later in life that something dawned on me: I had never actually sought out what God’s plan for my life was.³
Perhaps I didn’t seek out God’s plan because doing that takes patience and prayer. I probably didn’t seek out God’s plan because I was content to “take-the-easy-way-out” and “do-my-own-thing.” Maybe I just didn’t care…
Maybe God was telling me something all along and I just wasn’t listening?
The Bible is pretty clear on this whole deal. In fact, Jesus provides us with the perfect example. Christ came to Earth so he could do the will of God. He didn’t come here to “do-his-own-thing”⁴ or “take-the-easy-way-out.”⁵
Furthermore, the Bible teaches us when we seek out God’s plan we need to be prepared to accept everything that comes along with it…which isn’t always “rainbows-and-unicorns.”⁶
With that backdrop, it’s worth noting that God DOES love us enough to give us freedom…and with that freedom we are, indeed, able to choose our own plan.⁷ However, choosing our own plan usually doesn’t work out so well. Take me for example. I ended up in prison. Was THAT God’s plan? I don’t think so…but here I am.
Perhaps the purpose of my life is nothing more than to serve as a warning to others.
(sigh)
At the very least, this whole “prison experience” has revealed to me that (one way or another) God’s plan IS going to happen.⁸On the flip side, I’ve also learned that God will reward those who seek Him.⁹
So where does this whole mess leave me in the future? What will I do if and when I’m back on the “corrected” side of the fence? Will I continue on in the career field I left? Will God send me in a different direction entirely? After I get “sprung-from-the-can” will I once again be out there “mowing lawns”?
I don’t know.
For what it’s worth, when I leave prison I wouldn’t mind living out in the country somewhere…with a few acres of grass. Maybe a garden…you know…a REALLY BIG garden. Maybe I’ll plant some corn and potatos…and beans (I love beans). Of course that will mean I’m going to have to turn some soil and cut some hay.
I wouldn’t mind that.
Perhaps I’ll have a yard full of cows and chickens and goats too. I guess that’s going to mean I’ll end up sloppin’ a few hogs as well.
Frankly, I wouldn’t mind that either. In fact, I think I’d kind of like that.
If this IS what God does have planned for me; I might end up with one of those nifty red barns too. Of course it doesn’t have to be “nifty.” It doesn’t even have to be red…plain old unpainted cinder block would be just fine with me.
I suppose all of that work would probably be a bit easier if I had a tractor too.
Hmmmmm.
Perhaps the idea that I could “enjoy-my-job” and find satisfaction in “mowing-the-lawn” were traits instilled in me long ago for reasons that took far too long to discover.
Maybe the notions of childhood instincts are there for a reason.
Maybe that goofy “farmer dream” I had as a kid wasn’t so goofy after all?
Okay…so…maybe accessorizing my tractor with a rear mounted spoiler and custom painted flames might be a little goofy…
But then again…
¹James 5:12
²PRO 16:18
³PS 16:7–8
⁴John 6:38
⁵Luke 22:42
⁶Acts 21:13–14
⁷ROM 1:24–32
⁸NUM 23:27–24:9 and NUM 24:23
⁹HEB 11:16
